Sweet Poison

" You are what your silences are... All the noise you make is for the World..."

You are one of the intentionally best-kept sinful secrets of your world.  No one  can really tell what you truly have come to become, for you never spoke the truth...all you knew was how to deceive, but not how to love...Allow me to share your story today...to not hold such an ugly and sinful truth close to my heart, to not cheat or deceive others for protecting you, to seek beyond you is, a multitude of unique blessings. 

New to your ways, I remember the delicious agony of waiting through a seemingly interminable night for the magic dawn of morning. In my eager anticipation of the wondrous surprises awaiting us, I forgot the painful events that the long night presented. While living through the night, there was darkness all around with no logical reason for your actions. The agony to seek a plausible reason for the same is beyond my faculties of description. In my anxiety to marry happiness I neglected the many unique indications to protect myself, not only from such a false hope, but from a deceiving exaltation. To live through the night, to see  the light of the day...to  realize that all you possibly can do is to deceive your parents and those who love you is such a learning experience.

I learnt my lesson,  to  look for answers...not in what others say, but  in their silences....you  and your heinous existence are merely an instrument for this lesson. May the Lord show mercy on your parents, for they are not at fault for what you are today - a sinful existence worthy of death and nothing else...Amen!

Life: Switcheroo

I always felt, my sense of existence was because of you...one I love, to be by your side through thick and thin, never let you cry...never let you sigh. Life is a jigsaw with blank spaces to fill, it is up to us to figure out how to pick from choices we have. All I always wanted was just a little something...beautiful and sweet to fill  the void. I wanted you to add meaning to my existence...to look beyond the blank space, to  absorb happiness from around us...to complete my picture. 

This was my method for happiness. Spaces once filled add meaning to picture...my life. To hold  more than one piece to fill the void, is to hold too many to paint a beautiful picture. To place one over the other, spoils the picture and nothing else.

Learn to turn around and seek with honesty. Life is like a book, what matters is how good it is, not how long it is...it is about how beautiful is the picture you make of it...Life is a switcheroo.

Relation : The Conquest of Differences

I always felt that actions were a secondary representation of  an emotion, just as speech was a secondary representation of thought. The speaker has something in their mind; words were found to express that thought. The effectiveness of the words  should not be a parameter of evaluation for the thought. Likewise, intention plays a primary role to understand the truth of an emotion.

This kind of a schematic in regard to emotion, will speak of a comparative approach. Actions frame a method to express our emotion,  and their effectiveness  is a step towards the truth involved  in our intention.  Sometimes, our actions are a poor representation of our emotion, the farther we are away from the person, the less we are understood. If we compare relation to a statement in literature, the philosophical bases of an emotion and a relation provide perhaps the most elaborate critique of the logocentrism involved. 

For a relation, it should not be a forceful communication of the essential truth, since understanding and respect for each other should come from within. All communication, be it spoken or written, merely convey fragments that might help one acknowledge the inner truth one already has, thus respecting  each other. Similarly, spoken and written words might convey not only thoughts but also are in themselves a kind of practice, and actually following the practice will lead to understanding.

Let us appreciate the linguistic behavior of the statement : Relation.

Elegy: Emotion

Archives of Hell

No one knows how many vulnerable kids especially girls are at a constant risk of physical and mental abuse. There is a need to list them as a vulnerable group to initiate a support function  to address this concern.Yet the sexual/mental exploitation and drug abuse that is an inevitable part of their lives, points to a serious problem in urgent need of attention.

The treatment they are subjected to, influences their food habits and attitude towards life. All of them  are subjected to and have experienced such treatment for different lengths of time. All of them seek more  freedom to control their environment, thus escape and break free from such treatment. This  creates a scenario of my "choice" and my "freedom and friendship decisions". This disturbs their social habits and approach towards life.  

Most of them are deprived, abjectly neglected children who are barely visible. With little or no  freedom to voice their issues with their parents, they turn into 'hard-hit' children. Such children become highly mobile  deprived of affection and normal upbringing. They suffer from an attitude change in regard to value education and fall prey to strategies like 'sex for comfort, pleasure and money,' and 'drugs for bliss and loss of pain'.

Lacking a supporting environment in more ways than one, these children fall prey to the worst  attitude influences that affect their outlook towards life. The motives to engage in  such behavior towards children include pleasure, immediate lust-reduction, inferiority complex and material gain (food, money, drugs).

There is an immediate need to address this concern. There is a need to open up the channel of communication with your kids, to engage them in discussion, create a space for dialogue. This will help them become more judgmental about their actions and consequences that follow.

July 4th...

Somewhere in an unKnown City—during a winter night,he stood outside on an empty street—for years he will remember the wait.With  energy drained, and his fingers failing to recognize themselves, he was treated by a  lopsided gesture—snow and silent tears. But as he stood to turn cold, his inner voice said in rather non-preppy terms, "There was no way that you are treated with dignity—even if you have come from a far-off land, you still are a stranger." If  he was told earlier, it would have been a discounted experience from his life.

This was not how it was supposed to end—23-year-old darling with the fairy-angel looks, the outlandish wardrobe and the very improper private-school vocabulary. She was born in Peru, the lady of his dreams for years. but she grew up in Houston— fashioning an attitude which he tried hard to understand—never understood.Though he was also 23, had fared just as well as anyone else in life, he was treated like a foil by the flashy, Peruvian-born American.

She led a life of ingenuine primer, albeit with dark secrets. He was clearly the aggressor and  sought the ring from the start. Even in the early going, before he could truly understand her, she seemed listless, with her spark or  rather purposeful activity. He showed great support that was expected to keep faith. She responded with indignity and callous affection.

He kept staring at the deserted road, filled with snow. His two fingers clinched, and he started walking away—she betrayed him again. He hesitated a moment and then turned back—struggling to say goodbye. But things have come to an end—deceit and a string of lies did the trick. She continued to relax with a warm cup of tea, reclining with her right arm over the couch—with little or no concern.

Though he stood by her during the storm—expecting a return of favor was a sin. By that point she deserved the hype—scoring for the current favorite. And then she said to herself, "This is all part of being young and ambitious. I nibble on the innocent ". She continued to seek her life, with all respect and glory. 

He is lost in search for his consciousness, even till today—July 4th.

My Betraying Sweetheart....

As environments increasingly become complicated  for interaction, people characteristically take on the features of written forms of expression. Although ideas and arguments are being presented in written form, the life takes on a weird tone quite different from that of traditional forms of expression of love.  While this happens to be the trend these days, few amongst us stand as an example  for souls blessed with little or no character. Perception and respect for emotions are necessary ingredients which happen to be missing in relations these days. 

To use and play with emotions of someone, to lie and betray are considered evidence  for lack of  critical reasoning about self, and  little or no  intellectual growth and thoughtful contribution to self development. 

Discipline and respect for emotions and others in our lives, can effectively help us grow stronger as a being   and communicate our emotions in a better way,  even if we are to subscribe to non traditional ways.

 

As online interaction becomes more widely used these days, and as more people of all age levels participate in electronic discourse, it is important for us to consider how to respond  and cater to emotional conversations rather than lie and betray people in our lives. In addition to examining our self, and perhaps more importantly, we need to understand how these changing conventions may be contributing to the construction of  our personal lives these days, and more so, why we are turning  to  lies, and betrayal needs to be understood.  Let us respect emotions, people in our lives. What we are today, will pave way for our future.

I Vs Me...

Dear Dad,

I wish to record one of my empirical observations today. My experiences tend to align with the thought that divinity seeks democracy in regard to choices we make. I have observed that religious people are more democratic in regard to options they are presented with and choices they make. They associate an element of control with a superior power in regard to how a decision swings their chances of success. 

It is important to notice the new theological thought which is observed these days. It is a blend of classical Christian thought of  righteous living with a self styled approach about morality. People hardly give any thought to the building of character, rather subscribe to an eroding school of value education. 

I learnt that our innate ability to seek purity in our thought will help us look upon the invisible elements of  nature as though they were clearly perceptible to our senses, making us more receptive to human suffering, giving us strength to walk the path of respecting human emotions.

According to Hindu philosophy of karma, we are to enjoy the positive and negative reflections of our deeds, and that each action of ours and its reflection will  get accrued. Today, we are enjoying/suffering from the reflections of our deeds from the past, and what we choose to do during our life, will cast its reflection on our future and beyond. There are numerous threads of religious beliefs, and each of us have our unique thread to tag. I have chosen my thread.

Our deeds might be short lived, but their reflections will stay forever and shall tell the tale of our character...

Allah Hafiz!

Abhijith Jayanthi 

Feb 2010

Her Distorted Morality

   I said,
 "I want 'you' to fill my life, my love...
  I knew it was 'you' ever since I was introduced, to an emotion called 'you'...
  I remember 'us' together in a distant place and time, when 'we' were in a candlelight chamber....
  I felt sweet scent of roses wafting through 'your' breath, while tender music played softly at a distance...
  My heart melted away, and I love 'you' forever and so I shall continue to do..."

 Then 'She' lied,
 " ' I ' love you too..."

Hence, in this way I was introduced....
                                                      ....to 'Her' distorted morality.

The Silent Danube

Rich in her flow,

She illuminates our lives with her gentle glow.

Once after a fall,

She comes together to stand tall.

Measure of an identity in each of her droplets,

She completes an octave filling the goblets.

Arouse a true emotion,

She is unique...yet one in an ocean.

Seeking You...

Its been seven years....I still have the rose in my hand, while I am waiting for you. For seven years, I knew it was love when nothing I did  felt  better than being together with you. I do not know if being in love meant holding hands, but all that I know is with you...my gray skies turn blue. Seven years...my love  for you  speaks of  every day spent together, with excitement of an approaching spring. I wait here, with roses  for you ..albeit not as fresh as my memories of your kiss that made me see beauty in everything around me. 

I stand here waiting for you, to find myself again...in the shadow of my love for you.

Rewind...

Accompanying you at dawn...I had the pleasure to seek the elegance of  your charming face, as beautiful as  the  full moon on a summer night. Your hair as black as night, and eyes as sharp as a blade of grass and dark to cast shadows hiding your emotions. Your smile seeks beyond the beauty of a blossoming rose.You fill your kiss with life and embrace with warmth.

Be my friend in my loneliness and exile; allow me to embrace the sweetness of life. I happen to exist having forgotten the taste of my own soul, guide me to find light. Dry the tears rolling from my eyes, comfort me to seek warmth of your embrace...allow me to be lost in the celebration of our emotion. For what you mean to me, words fail to explain.. for us I shall happily let go...everything except you, because with you by my side, I have nothing else to seek...Accompany me, my love... till I shall walk into dusk....

Note: My journal entry of Simply Me! circa July 2009

My Bruised Heart....

I...

Life is more about living an emotion than anything else. Expectations of my emotion run beyond the tenacious ridicules. I suffer in pain to seek perfection, to grow over my anger..to walk past the water wall to seek you.

You...

With no sincerity, dazzle me with false cries. Riding a false wave of desire, seek beyond me. Understand from the wrecks of such lost wanderers of the past, seek light for the entire journey over momentary excursions.

Us...

I still hear your false cries ringing in my ears...I remember the lies you whispered in my ears. I lived a never ending tale...never loved...Today, I realize that death is not the greatest loss in life, but it is when  an emotion is butchered from inside...we cease to exist even when we continue to live...my death. I realize when everybody is  failing to understand the emotion...wish to seek an alternative, draw lines to go beyond, someone will have open his heart, undo the lines, stand his ground, support everybody to rise...and suffer the pain alone...and I am ready to be that someone, for there was never Us to live for...

Ubi Major, minor Cessat...

There is always a burning desire, to understand normative approach to someone's behavior (For the uninitiated, normative theory in regard to ethics is a concept which speak of a method to morally investigate the set of questions related to particular action(s)) I am not trying to pass a moral-value judgment, but I am trying to understand the reasons behind such an action.

Often, it is important to understand that perception and intention play a vital role in understanding a behavior of a person. To consciously create an emotional disturbance, speaks of one's nature, and their attitude towards others. To seek such a treatment, and yet forgive...speaks of divinity of our souls...

As they say in Italy, 'Vitiis nemo sine nascitur...Vivere commune est, sed non commune mereri...' which explains how no one is born without faults...everybody live their life, even if everybody do not deserve to...Everyone of us have shades of negatives and positives..our existence is more about which of the shades  we wish to showcase when we live our life...and that is all that matters...

'Veritas vos liberabit...' Only the truth will set you free..... 

Note: This post is dedicated to my friends in Italy.

Nice Talking to You...

 

A phrase often used, yet never really understood,"Nice talking to you...".  There is a subtle difference when one uses "Nice to talk to you..."  as against "Nice talking to you..." . The former means "It will be nice to talk to you, now that we've finally met", and is normally said at the beginning of the conversation, whereas "nice talking to you" means "Our conversation has been very good", and is said at the end....

When we wish to live a life, with little or no time to enjoy what we truly cherish, and when we wish to live a life filled with emotions ..and without words...if phrases like "Nice talking to you...." greet us...it hurts...

Silence often gives us enough time to understand what is now past, and what we wish to seek, to be our future. Bless me with patience, to live... to be greeted by "Nice to talk to you..." and courage to forget the greeting, "Nice talking to you..."

ఓ మనసా ఓ మనసా...

ఓ మనసా ఓ మనసా ...

చెబితే వినవా నువ్వు...నీ మమతే మాయ కదా,

నిజమే కనవా నువ్వు...చెలియ గుండె దక్కలేక పలకనందే నా మౌనం,

చెలిమి వెంట సాగలేక శిల అయిందే నా ప్రాణం,

గతమే మరచి బ్రతకలే మనసా...

ఎగసి పడే అల కోసం దిగివస్తుందా ఆకాశం,

తపన పడి ఎం లాభం అందని జాబిలి జతకోసం,

కలిసి వున్న కొంత కాలం వెనక జన్మ వరమనుకో,

కలిసి రాని ప్రేమతీరం తీరిపోయిన  ఋణమనుకో,

మిగిలే స్మృతులే మరవద్దు ఓ  మనసా...

తన ఒడిలో పొదుముకుని భద్రంగానడిపే నౌక,

 తననొదిలి వెళ్ళకని ఏ బంధాన్ని కోరాదుగా,

కడలిలోనే ఆగుతుందా కధలనంటున్న ఈ పయనం,

వెలుగు వైపు చూడనంద నిద్రలేచే నా నయనం, 

కరిగే కాలాన్ని తరిమే ఓ మనసా...

Note:  Meaningful Lyrics of a Telugu Song ...

Love : Cult of Ugliness

 

I wish to record my understanding about how emotion "love" as it is felt/understood today, lost its much needed trait of selflessness and has become a skewed emotion. When I speak of love, it is not just the usual context of young couples, but also familial relations which I wish to speak of. When we speak of love today, what is that one essential quality of that emotion, which comes to our mind? More or less, most of us will have our answers speaking about how it helps us grow as a person/ seek a better existence for ourselves. This speaks of how we have grossly misunderstood or rather forgot the essential aspect of love...selflessness. Today, love is seen as a comfort quotient for a happy existence for self, and nothing beyond it. As long as it satisfies the needed support function, we entertain the emotion. This nefarious existence to callously exploit others, speaks of our beguiling approach towards us and others.

It is important that we realize, true love seeks selflessness in approach...when you are ready to seek beyond your ability to see the perpetual smile on someone's face. It is unfortunate that most of us today, are living an artificial/false emotion and are cheating ourselves and others.

Note: I am solely responsible for the opinion expressed in this post and it is quite possible that I was put on a different train of thought (than most of my peers) when I was born. If you happen to have a divergent view, I invite you to share it. 

Universal Soul...to you whom I belong and to you I shall return one day, I dedicate this post written in all sincerity to thee.

When the roses speak...

Allow me to fade away,

memories untold to anyone...

For in silence sought, 

you shall realize I spoke from my heart...

And when you shall seek,

it's time to accept that I am long gone....

Note: This is an undated work of mine...written a month ago.

Seek: Moment...

Note: If you wish to access my collection of assorted video links (of various genres) please visit my Youtube Channel here.You can also browse through the videos from the Youtube tab below

Five People and me....

 

Date: 21st Nov 2009

Place: Kharsang, Arunachal Pradesh - India

Dear Dad, 

                  

                       Que Sera, Sera ....

For the first time, I understood...what Alfred Hitchcock wanted to convey in The Man Who Knew Too Much. It again happened to me...I fail to recollect an instance to convince myself that this person ever spoke the truth...The truth, they say, shall never die. It is such an inherent virtue that everyone seeks it in our quest for justice. I sought the truth, but all that I am  rewarded with was pain and deceit...but not happiness. When it happened to me for the first time, I lost a lot, but I understood that it was never meant to be...all that remains of it is a relation of indifference....I could forgive and forget.Second time, it was a twin blow, successive attempts to seek selfish gains...pushing me into a situation to reevaluate every human relation...I lost the start to push my life into a better zone of comfort, I could forgive...but I shall never forget. Then, it was a mix of circumstances and ego, that created a passion to destroy me, I shall never forget the moment. 

All these moments, were intense yet short experiences....but what happened today, is a long drawn one...possibly because I was foolish enough to believe the story all through. I now understand, winner is a relative term, we ought to define the sphere of influence in defining a winner. It is not possible to win in every sphere of life...Today, I admit...my belief in people failed me...because of two  rather unfortunate souls...one happens to be a disgrace to the thought of dignified existence and other happens to be a disgrace to parenthood and parenting. How often do we find someone who is challenged in regard to value education be blessed with parents...one of them is an equally unfortunate soul in regard to judgment, and the other...a mute spectator of their disgusting traits, kept in the dark by these blemishes on social fabric? I am no one to judge them,  they will suffer for their deeds. I am stuck dad, show me the way...to understand the truth...and walk the right path.

- abhijith                                                                                                              

                    Note: This post/entry belongs to Simply Me...my personal diary.                

Critical Move...

It is important to understand at a game of chess, it is the struggle of negotiations that will win the battle. I wish to speak about the needed ability to understand and tackle a situation. Growing beyond the game, let us understand the needed ability to be an emperor...more than the accepted honor of authority, it is a title of nobility : conviction to lead by example.

Several moments in our lives, we would probably see ourselves at that stage of the game, when all our trusted men (resources) are down and we are left alone to seek a way forward. We are reduced to believe that all is over and we are bound to lose, it is easy to lose one's grip on life. Am I to change my beliefs with which I led my forces ? I realize, because of constant loss of support, I surrendered my soul and my corporeal self can be understood as a mere synecdoche for a society.

I need a revival, to seek my lost ground ...all by myself, live by my principles and lead by example. To surrender my soul, was probably a mistake...but I am a true warrior and shall contest to conquer...Every move shall be a calculated one to destroy the fatal forces, weave a rich and a balanced tapestry of comfort for my bleeding soul. I shall seek to play the critical move...for I am the emperor!

Note: I am not an expert authority in Chess, but these recordings are what I have learnt from my experiences with Chess. Though the analogy presented will need little or no knowledge of chess. Recorded : Dakar, Senegal.

Seeking Beyond : A Promise...

" Those who tell stories, rule the World..."

                                               - Plato

Shifting uneasily on my bed, the dream of yesterday night still playing on my mind...I woke up with a start, only to find the sun shining into my line of vision. I clear my throat and shake my head, "what a weird  dream!" Perhaps, promises were never meant to be part of reality...or probably it was just me, with rather unpleasant experience of a promise.

A Promise ruled my world of imagination and fantasy with its stories which were far from true...yet it captivated my soul and gave me warmth. For what the truth was, what it has come to become...and what will remain, my emotional attachment is too profound to be ignored. But there are certain situations in life when it is better to cut clean and acknowledge their true self...the promise will remain a disgusting epitome of morality. It pushed me beyond the need to recover from hurt and disappointment. Nothing will ever take away the value for each happy and memorable moment I experienced, and the promise will remain a promise to remember...a promise never kept.

Circles of Trust....

 

It is always a tough choice to make, when we wish to understand who in our lives can be trusted upon, and whom do we have to be careful about. Today, I wish to present my argument and a method which will be helpful to understand and to space people in our life accordingly. 

My concept of belief and trust is a continuous process of placing people in our lives in a certain circle of trust, depending on our experiences...as and when we encounter them. We have four circles of trust to accommodate everyone we know,  strangers...new acquaintances, new people in our life enjoy membership to this circle of trust, then we have trend based friends...trend here means a particular phase in our life, while at certain workplace, certain school of study... we make friends, who we know better compared to people who are strangers, but we are not completely comfortable with them to enjoy a greater rapport, they come in this range. The next circle of trust is good friends..friends whom we grow with as a person and whom we have come to believe in....and finally, core group.. family and other significant people in our lives occupy this circle.  As I said, no position is permanent, and we always understand and grow as a person...as and when we realize or understand someone in a better way, they will either continue to enjoy the same circle of trust, or move to a different circle depending on whether our learning about them is positive or negative. 

I wish to discuss how people belonging to these circles can be understood, and identified...strangers  represent outside world, they are influenced by competition and our personality.. they always tend to pull us down by being negative in their remarks....as we move into the trend based friends circle... these people tend to be generic support function...people who will have no real benefit or loss, when we win or when we lose..they enjoy the protocol principle of being polite and positive.. they support with a word of encouragement when we are depressed and a congratulatory message when we win.. it means nothing to them.... people in good friends circle tend to be critical in their view, they hold us when we are unrealistic, they tend to guard us against arrogance, they will be negative in their view and try to present the other side of the coin, so that we will be cautious and take the right decision...Finally, people in the core group support you even when you cheat on them, hurt them..they stand by you during your toughest times, even when you hurt them  badly....speak about the brighter side of life...to instill in you faith and confidence... 

On any given day, it is not bad to lose someone from the stranger or the trend based friends circle....probably painful to let go a true friend....but to lose someone who stood by you even when you hurt/treated them  badly ....I shall not consider myself worthy to live anymore, because I believe one can keep his billions only if he is careful about his pennies...I shall rather die... 

P.S.:  I treat everyone with the respect they truly deserve...

___________________________________________________________________________
This post is a part of the talk by Abhijith Jayanthi at Ghana in 2009. It has been modified into a commentary to include explanations needed. © Copyrights Reserved.

Jealousy....

Today, I wish to write about my experiences with Jealousy...As Françoise Sagan once said, " To Jealousy, nothing is more frightful than laughter", it is always important and interesting to understand the delicate  nature  of emotion one needs to deal with, when someone in our life is jealous and we happen to be the object of interest.  It is important for us to decide which side of the argument we wish to support. I wish to focus this attempt of mine to dwell on various aspects of jealousy...possible influences and reasons for sustaining itself.


It is important that we need to understand the difference between the experience and the outcome of a certain situation. It is important that we need to try recreate a moment of confidence...a moment of belief, which will remain in the memory of the subject, and will help her/him to understand how she/he is wanted in our lives. While it is important to instill confidence, it is always important to understand the basis of such a belief. Life is a journey.. a journey where we need to make choices... choices which will influence how we which to decorate our lives...decorations which we wish to live with...It is a pleasant feeling to appreciate the emotion of being cared for, and it is always important to realize the necessity for us to keep the moment alive...with our sincere efforts..

 Jealousy...is a dangerous emotion, if handled well, it will help us grow as a person to seek the beauty beyond doubt...if we do not happen to respect the emotion, it will be painful...possibly beyond human comprehension.


I dedicate this post to a friend of mine...I wish to draw your attention to a realization of mine, which I have to come believe in rather reluctantly, What we are as a person, is what we are...doubt and trust are important facets of any relation...what will be ...will be, it is important for us to understand the value of life and value of ourselves... and others in our life.

Butterfly...

" Children...Today, I shall tell you a story...a story about a butterfly...my butterfly!

When I was a small kid, just like you. I use to be as playful as you all are...mischievous and naughty. I wanted to explore this nature, every beautiful creation and every offering of it. But, I never knew how I can grow closer to nature....until one day, while I was playing in the balcony...a young butterfly rested on my shoulder. She had vibrant wings, a delicate lace and an immersing grace...I was fascinated and amazed to see her, just as you all are to listen to my story...I  extended my arm to reach her....she rested on my finger with  an easy motion...I understood...we were friends now!

I went on to explore the nature through her stories  and her flight...through the trees, through the rivers...into the busy lanes...I lived moments learning the greenery of life, busy ways of people, innocence of a child...until one day, when the butterfly decided to fly away....I was left with no reason to understand....

I continued to explore the world I was introduced to...to live with memories, with hope that she will return. Few years later, as I rested on the green meadow...I was greeted by her again...my butterfly...who rested on my forehead....

My joy knew no bounds, I was happy to see her back in my life...I was excited to think of life I shall live with her as company...we were friends again...I was happy to see myself immersing in life again...reaching out to various gifts of nature...listening to the music of the gentle breeze, the warmth in the rising sun....chill that the winter rain brings....

One day, as we were about to set out ...she was cold with no emotion...she no longer responded my calls to pave the way...neither was she interested to hear my stories...she wanted me to let go...she wanted to fly away...

When I want to explore this nature any more, I will have to do it on my own again...I understood,  I ..me ...myself will have to set my life free, if it  happens to come back...it will be forever...and if it did not, it was never bound to be.

I set her free...with a flutter, her wings flapped...and she rose, higher and higher. My heart palpitated as I stood watching her move away....will I ever be able to see her again? I never know "

The Children continued to stare at me in amazement...one of them raised his hand, but he was silent with his innocent gaze fixed on me. For a minute, he spoke nothing... and then he said, "Will the butterfly come back?"

" I do not know, I have all my life to wait...with hope", I said.

I - Opener

Rubric Note: There are no great debates against the argument which is presented in this post. Hence, it is a sincere request that you should not, therefore, find yourself in passionate disagreement with the post. However, try not to find yourself in passive agreement with it either.

I wish to speak of that phase in my life, when I had a sense of insecurity, along with guilt, pain, stress and lack of love...The foundation that one needs, to understand, grow and condition themselves to take on responsibilities is always crucial. It becomes important to understand that our actions will always have a bearing on our future. I seek to learn from my mistakes, respect life and the lessons I was offered to learn from. My early years were greatly influenced by my father, and I still continue to appreciate and feel  his presence, I understand every experience I am put through is an attempt to help me grow as a person...I lived my early life with a sense of carelessness, and then with a sense of caution...and for few years now, I allowed my heart to guide me...I have had immense happiness to allow myself to immerse into life with completeness and sincerity. I realized that, where there is light, there shall exist a shadow. Shadows tell a tale of light...they speak of absence of light, dark spots caused by impenetrable emotions we choose to hide. In this world of manifestation, there exists a constant struggle between shadow and light. And in my struggle, I lost ...shadow won...Now, I stand emptied seeking light....

 

While most of the people who went/ are going through this phase hustle through their lives to seek a new beginning...but I chose to stay even when I was treated with no respect...to understand, respect the moment... and if possible rekindle hope, but I understood that it is very difficult to rekindle hope if one carries around anger, frustration and disappointment...I learnt to forgive myself, forgive others and set them free...only then I understand I will be more willing and open to accept life and enjoy it. I do not regret my decision to stay...I learnt life...and wait to see light of the day again. 

SimplyJITH: Schmaltz of Life

Visiting my own lane of thought....once again

PrecociousTruth : Unrequited Love

Today, I wish to speak on a topic which is often discussed...and yet there is much left unsaid and for us to learn...Love.

I have always believed emotions are very powerful and it is beyond human capacity to truly describe  them. With this said, I wish to make a humble attempt to speak of love... Love is an emotion....emotion that shall bring value to our existence...emotion, thought of which gives us the strength to seek beyond what is humanly possible.Thoughts that will never seize to bring a smile on our faces...an emotion, essential to grow with, live on and to rest in peace...love...

Today, I wish to tell an untold story...a story that had everything but time, time to allow love to blossom into its full strength...a story, about the perfect love we all seek, the imperfect love we all live with...a story, with emotions that must be kept in cages, forever now...a story, full of hope, but tethered down...a story, dignity and love do not blend well, nor do they continue long together...a story, with fears that are gathered in the darkest corners, unspoken and hidden away forever...

- Abhijith Jayanthi

October 2009

 P.S. : This is the prologue for my book with the same title (not yet published). This work has taken a long time (from being just a draft)....7 Months. Emotions occupy a special space in my heart...so does this post.

You / Me

In the absence of Gentlemen...Ladies,

It is indeed an honor and a privilege to stand before you today. I am asked to talk on 'How non-Islamic youth see Islam and its influence on the present day world ?'  Before I proceed to share with you, the influence of Islam to provide the rationale for individual and social behavioral patterns in the present day world, I wish to draw your attention to an important, and rather unnoticed aspect of our life... the divide between all external factors including society (you) and you as a person, your consciousness (me)....

One of my favorite authors, Paulo Coelho, in one of his works said, and I quote; "If all the words were joined together, they wouldn't make sense, or, at the very least, they'd be extremely hard to decipher. The spaces are crucial" It is important that one understands the space between the social setup we have all put together for ourselves and the true and innocent consciousness of our own. In living our lives, we are always through a constant struggle to learn, understand and live by various rules of society. In our attempt to be an acceptable social being, we never really explored the basis for all these so called rules. Sea  happens to be a collection of drops of water, and is nothing if we try to see it without understanding the value of  every individual drop. Similarly, society is a set of people.. a set of individuals like us. When we see society as a collection of such individuals, we start to recognize that all the social patterns are nothing but opinion of various individuals...To understand and respect the power or the consciousness of a society...we need to understand and respect the individuality of every being. 

The belief that each and everyone of us are an essential part and a manifestation of the universal light (Allah - may His name be praised) is seen through the five pillars of  Islam. The first of the five, speak of how Allah - may His name be praised has chosen  Prophet Muhammad to lead others to understand the beauty around them. The second, speaks of recognizing the power of collective worship..to understand that each and everyone of us are a part of the Universal light and respecting everyone's role in the act of worship is recognizing the marvels of Universal Light (Allah - may His name be praised). The act of charity and fasting during the holy month of Ramadan speak of our respect for each other...to understand that each and everyone  of us are here with a purpose and that we all are manifestations of the Universal Light...it becomes important for us to consider and understand the various aspects of life...to truly understand how we are spaced in our lives...and to respect in complete honesty ...dignity and individuality of everything around us. The act of pilgrimage speaks of our acceptance of Universal Light (Allah - may His name be praised) as the sole authority and that this society...a set of individuals who are a part of the Universal Light and that their opinion (rules of society) are all in a way...acts of guiding us by Universal Light (Allah - may His name be praised)

 

Friends, no lamp is lit in order to hide it behind the door....each and everyone here is a manifestation of the divine light ...with a purpose, to reveal the beauty, happiness and joy around. I invite you to explore this thought, understand your purpose and lead others...Let there be light!

Eid Mubarak!

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This post is a part of the talk on the auspicious occasion of Eid by Abhijith Jayanthi at Tehran, Iran in 2009. It has been modified into a commentary to include explanations needed. © Copyrights Reserved.

Nihilism : Self

I have been a firm believer that status quo is not a pleasant option and that dialogue helps us find a solution. In regard to any issue, my primary approach was always to establish dialogue and understand the objectives of both the parties involved. It is important that we initiate a dialogue and arrive at a consensus.

Friends, from my experiences...I have understood, to initiate a dialogue will show a sign of weakness and people do not seem to respect your interest to seek a possible solution, but you might well be subjected to false accusations. and any ensuing dialogue...your attempt to bring out the reality will be seen as an attempt to

explain your reasons for something which is not true in the first place.

It is even tougher when you wish to initiate a dialogue with parties that believe in double standards...different rules for self and others. The dialogue will always leave you with a taste of grief. It is always a tough choice to make..whether to  initiate a dialogue with a possibility that you might lose your respect (be falsely accused or seen as a sign of weakness) or do nothing and live in pain....

Lousy Souls....

 

Please Note: This is an open letter dedicated to all Lousy Souls...The letter has enough suggestive description, if you are wondering who is such a soul... If you happen to know any lousy soul, do not allow them to miss this dedicated letter of mine....

Dear Lousy Soul,

Only if you could have told me about things honestly (I understand you do not have the habit of speaking the truth ever and nothing about you is true)... things would have been just the same as they are now... but more at  peace and I would have not felt as being used at least...

I am not writing this letter  to vent my emotions, threaten you or to ask you to consider anything. I feel it was not your fault..but mine.. I lost sight of reality and the real you...and when I think of it...it definitely was not worth my struggle... For you as a person, I have nothing against you now...let god alone judge you...

For the stories you have told me, I understand they have no significance anymore but even then ... I am not really sure if any of them is indeed true... but I understand my story was painfully true and I am put through it for a reason... and you happen to be a mere instrument to make me learn something...

I want to thank you for it...I am not really sure if you will read this letter ever....but even if you do...you will never change from being a lousy soul... will you?

peace..
abhijith

Phase : Cleansing Self

I wish to call this phase of my life as "Cleansing Self" . Anecdotes often influence the decisions we make in life. Today, I happen to read the commentaries by Adi Sankaracharya (an Indian Philosopher who consolidated the doctrine of Advaita Vedanta) According to legend, while on his way to the Vishwanath Temple, Sankara came upon an untouchable (people who were traditionally regarded as low caste in those days) accompanied by four dogs. When asked to move aside by Shankara's disciples, the untouchable replied: "Do you wish that I move my ever lasting Self (Soul) or this body made of flesh?" 

This incident made Shankara realize the meaning of life. He went on to write a commentary on Arishadvarga — the six passions of mind (desires),  which are kama (lust), krodha (anger), lobha (greed), moha (delusion), mada (pride) and matsarya (jealousy), the negative characteristics which prevent man from realizing his destiny. Lust and anger are responsible for all kinds of difficult experiences which we have in our lives.With the false ego up and active, all our acting in the world becomes selfish and evil. Hence there is no other factor causing the illusory duality and the repeated pain and delusion it entails than the psychological ego-sense. When the materially identified ego has sided with the materialistic forces of creation, it is said to showcase evil passions, man's spiritual heritage constantly gets looted by these internal influences (and their numerous variations), causing him to lose knowledge of his true self.  

I have come to understand more about what I am as a person, and where I stand at present. Since past few years, situations and events in my life transformed me from being a purer soul to someone I don't identify myself with. I have had people in my life who have taken advantage of me and my emotions. I have myself to blame, for I was weak and factors of trust, doubt, hatred, anger, pride, jealousy and delusion controlled my emotions, thoughts and hence my decisions. All these negative emotions have made me weak as a person, susceptible to others. Through this years, I always thought why others were behaving the way they did and I was trying to correct them. This resulted in a lot of negative thoughts being build up within me which include frustration, sympathy for self, helplessness, rejection of self. I was not able to forgive others, holding them responsible for the actions. 

I now realize that I was wrong. It is not for them to change, but that I need to change. I have allowed myself to be used, abused (mentally and emotionally) because I was driven by the thoughts of deceit, hatred, self pity and no self dignity. I have given away my power and allowed others to destroy my entity because of these negative thoughts. 

I wish to learn from my experiences....But, before I proceed, it is important that I make a conscious attempt to forgive those, who have had the opportunity to hurt me.  I realize that it is not their fault but mine. I understand from what I learnt, I do not wish to hold anyone else responsible, I wish to take responsibility for my actions and my life. I want to work on growing over my negative influences and seek purity of thought. 

Friends...wish me luck!

కైవల్యము...

 

Note: This is one of 32000 works of Sri Tallapaka Annamacharya

Creativity Unplugged!

When do we decide it is about time to seek change? Before we get there, we should probably be discussing the issue of reality. Only when we understand what reality is, we can do justice in regard what needs to change. Friends, what is reality? It is important to understand that what we see/hear is not reality...fools and fanatics are always certain of themselves/ their beliefs, but wiser people question what is presented to them and then evaluate. I invite you to take part in this social experiment...evaluate people/issues in your life to understand this idea.

Let me elaborate further, before you proceed to understand people in your life...it is important to notice how the factor of trust is intertwined with respect for our own mental faculties. We tend to create a bubble of comfort around every relationship in our lives. We tend to believe in...trust the other person... respect what is told to us on its face value and believe that it is true...or strictly avoid a certain person depending on the kind of bubble we have created for our relationship with that person...There will be instances when people whom you had faith in...give you enough reasons...not to trust them anymore...thus, breaking the bubble...Now, please look into your own lives and evaluate your bubbles of comfort with people around you...people who matter to you....

Do you find every bubble is what it is truly worth ? I appreciate your faculties of judgment...Do you find few bubbles have a scar or two ...and then you wish to work on them ..to restore them, back to normal?  Are you responsible for the scar ? Are you willing to change? It is possible...and this is the change you need to seek... If you are not responsible for the scar...are you ready to forgive? This is the change you need to seek...All the Best...

Did few bubbles get burst? Did someone repeatedly puncture your bubble of trust ? This is not reason enough to be harsh on your own self and question your faculties of judgment...it is an indication to let go...this is the change you need seek...Intelligent people learn from their mistakes...never to do it again...and  last but not the least...if you happen to be someone who can never be trusted , you have  lived a life of deceit hurting others and your attitude is beyond repair...then it is time you do some serious introspection...this is the change you need to seek ...and I invite you to read one of my other posts here which might be of some help to understand my reasons to a possible question of why you need to change?

All the Best!