I was 14 years
old on the threshold of my womanhood when our eyes met for the first time. He
was sitting on the dais fixed in the corner of the alleyway 50 yards away from
my house. I looked at him coyly and shyly from the corner of my eye in a
beautiful cool day in New Delhi. I was completely taken over by his masculine
slender body. In no time, I discovered that he is a ladies’ man and in fact
every woman admired him as much as I did. That was the time, our relationship
first established.
Next week, when
I was coming back from school my friend informed me that a party has been organized
and dances will be performed in the evening. I often got excited about
the events that took place in the community centre. I rushed back home, fixed
myself, got dressed and left. My friend ‘G’ and I walked together to the centre
and there was this teeth clenching, nail gnawing moment. Yes, I spotted him
again - the Man who captured my attention and made a special space in the
middle of my heart. I was curious to know more about him.
G and I walked
in, found a pew in the back of the row where hundreds of men and women gathered
to see special dances performed by Children. He and I still glaring at each
other smiled and I pretended not to pay much attention to him. I didn’t want to
be seen by aunties who also secretly worshipped his slender body and masculine
charm. He was indeed particularly famous amongst women. No, not only his body
was astounding, he was also a remarkable dancer. He did not fit into your usual
social norms and socially constructed values. He was a man ahead of his time.
He held
gatherings and parties in cemeteries, stayed up till late and often remained
intoxicated on pure grass and wine. Everyone was invited to his
merrymaking adventures. People tagged along whenever they could. He had his
nose and ears pierced, and wore band around his neck and wrist. How cool I
thought. While he enjoyed being part of social scenes, you would also notice
him wandering around all by himself living a desolate life. There was this
rebel, an eccentric and unconventional man right in my back yard. How did I
remain so oblivious of his existence and his explorations?
The event
finished, I took the courage together, went up to him and asked if we could meet
privately. With his peaceful smile, he communicated ‘yes’. Wow, I thought. “He
looks fairly young, perhaps in his mid 30s, hey?” G pronounced. But that did
not bother me. I was excited about the prospects of meeting him again. I
wistfully waited for the dusk to fall.
We met the next
day in the same alleyway where we first caught each other’s attention. There he
was sitting and waiting for me. It was dark and late. I only had 10 mins to
speak to him and didn’t want to be seen alone in the dark standing in an
alleyway. He was sitting on the same dais as before. He looked calm and
eccentric. I told him much about my troublesome life at school like home work,
how difficult was it to wake up and go to school in the morning. He advanced an
admonished smile and comforted me. He finally glanced certainty and offered to
support me with my homework.
I remember
going home with a different feeling altogether. This man had captured me. I am
seized by his entirety and his presence in my life. We carried on meeting. The
never ending rendezvous involved me always talking of course and He patiently
listened and smiled. We both learnt many things about each other. I found
out that not only was he a charmer, he was also a big softy. He believed in
expressing his emotions gently and calmly unlike many men who are uncomfortable
about being effeminate. He, on the other hand, was at peace with both his
masculine and feminine characteristics. So good to be true.
Imagine a
strong man with a heart of gold. “No wonder he has many female admirers”, I
thought to myself.
I also found
out about the vibrant woman, no less than a deity, sitting next to him. She was
one of the major influences in His life. She never stopped herself of speaking
her mind and in fact once she was in such a rage, she went on the frontline to
express her prowess as a feminist.
There were
influences of masculinity, femininity and feminism right before me who had
influenced me big time during my teen years, and have kept on influencing
me.
Lord Shiva - symbol
of Masculinity and Femininity musings on the eve of Maha Shivaratri.
~*~*~*~
This
is a piece written by a friend of mine, Dr. Ritu Mahendru. It is an interesting way
to look at ourselves and our relations. It is important that we understand the
duality in our existence and how every aspect of our life revolves around a
complex emotion - Trust. There is more
to this piece, it speaks of how we tend to transfer our fears onto someone we
trust and seek a happy existence. We are on our own, and yet every one of us is
a piece of the larger jigsaw puzzle – we need to understand this. I found it as
an interesting read, and wanted to share it with all of you. You may find the
original piece here.
For
the uninitiated, Lord Shiva is a Hindu Deity and is the destroyer God or
transformer among the Trimurti, the Hindu Trinity
of the primary aspects of the Divine. Shiva is a yogi who has notice of
everything that happens in the world and is the main aspect of life according
to Hindu Religion.
