Unresolved Emotions

When we are to live through an unresolved emotion, life becomes rather chaotic.Our regular routines are disrupted by recollection of memories...bringing back images...of living these memories, more often than  during usual times. It becomes important with all of this extra hoopla and frenetic activity,  that we learn to keep the peace within ourselves.

I just want to clarify, that being at peace and being happy aren't necessarily the same thing. There is a definite difference between our feelings and the state of our inner being. The state of inner being is what helps us maneuver through life in a calmer and more peaceful way, regardless of what may be happening around us and/or how we feel about it.

Experiencing inner peace comes from practicing the art of letting go. When we hold onto feelings and situations, reliving them over and over in our minds and feeling the feelings again and again we keep ourselves in a state of inner turmoil, even when some of the situations and feelings are happy ones. So how do we get to a place where we can achieve inner calm? It is actually through our ability to acknowledge our feelings about the things that happen to us and around us and then we can let them go.

This may sound strange, but in actuality nothing ever stays the same. No matter how happy or sad we may feel in any given moment, no matter what may be going on in our lives, it will always change. So hanging onto resentments, fear, and anger or trying to hold fast to feelings of happiness and joy actually keeps us in a state of inner turmoil. Acknowledging our feelings and then allowing them to flow into our past frees us to live in peace. This is the art of letting go.

I wish to share an exercise with you in the event you would like to try this. The next time you find yourself in the midst of turmoil, find a quiet spot and close your eyes and breathe slow deep breaths, for just a few minutes. Allow any feeling that comes up to wash over you and then flow away. Then take a really deep cleansing breath and return to your day. Do this as often as you need to and you will discover that you can do it faster and more easily each time.

Inner peace is the key to living a better, more fruitful and comfortable life. If you practice the art of letting go, over time you will find yourself doing it quite naturally. You will discover that there are times when you become consistently peaceful from within and don't even have to pick up and feel feelings before you let them go.

I sit here...with an unresolved emotion...seeking answers to fill my empty heart with hope, to seek inner peace. And so can you!

- Abhijith Jayanthi - Goa - 27th Nov 2010

Our Youth...

Life is a collection of shades, we progress as we move along. The term 'Youth' portrays a confusing shade. It speaks of both the needed energy, and priority in approach at the same time. Nevertheless, it is the shade which each of us wish to remain with. The legend of Ponce de Leon, the Spanish explorer  speaks of  how he was supposedly looking for the fountain of youth and discovered Florida instead. Well, he certainly wasn't the first person to be lured by a dream of eternal youth.  There are numerous stories about powerful figures in history such as Alexander the Great and Cleopatra who also sought to hold onto their beauty and vitality. And the search for youth continues.  All you have to do is to turn on the television or open a beauty magazine to find advertisements for miracle hair tonics, wrinkle cures, stomach flatteners, etc.  It seems we are still looking for a fountain of youth, but this time it is through creams or supplements or health regimens that make extravagant, unproven claims.  However, I don't think that is the right way to stay young.

 
It is more about growing from within that is needed, we need to connect with nature. Staying physically fit is important, but so also is keeping mentally and emotionally fit.  We need to handle stress well and need to let go of our worries at the end of each day.  Each of us, have our difficult or challenging experiences, but it is our positive response to these difficulties and challenges that enable us to carry on.

So there may be a fountain of youth after all, but not exactly as we envisioned it.  As the "ageless" Sophia Loren has said, "There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love.  When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age."

Now that's a fountain I think we can all dip into....

                                                                                                          -Abhijith 

Desperation Cottage

Every day, there are things in our lives that we dismiss as luck or chance or simply take for granted.  Certainly there are times when events throw us completely off balance or make us feel vulnerable or afraid.  But I think that most of the time we are so involved with our daily routine to be successful, whether it be with work, errands, chores and the like, that we forget to notice the things around us that make our lives better.

The truth is that, no matter what is going on in our lives, there are no ordinary moments, no minutes or seconds that are meaningless.  And most of all, we will never get back those moments that pass without recognition.  So, that is why it makes sense to look for and acknowledge the daily gifts that come from the universe.

In our everyday struggle to define happiness.. a happy future for ourselves, we are missing a basic requisite for our struggle.. to be happy. We fail to notice everyday events in our lives. At first glance these things may seem rather unimportant, but when I think about what life might be like without them, I appreciate them all the more, and the bigger and more wonderful they seem to be.  And if you think about it, you may agree that the little things are what either drive us crazy or make us happy.  So, the little things in life really are important, even if they may not seem to be at the time.

    

For me, the best thing about recognizing such moments is that when I pay attention and open myself up to them, I notice them all the more and feel like I may even attract more of them my way.  The end result is that I am happier and more content with my life and consider each day different in its own way. I am happy now... and I seek...to be happy in the future.

    

Little miracles happen every day.  Flowers bloom, babies are born, the sunshine warms our skin and we get to be a living, breathing part of the living, breathing universe.  I hope you will take the time to recognize the warm, special moments that make you feel good about yourself and the world around you. It is time for you to come out of the desperation cottage..to seek happiness, and notice that happiness is around us.. here and now!  Live the moment!

Yours,

Abhijith

Dated: July 2009, written to a friend of mine.

Seasons...

As I look out at the misty weather and see the leaves coloring the branches while the drizzle glues the fallen leaves to the ground, it is clear that we are in the middle of the fall season and frigid winter days are soon to come. In spring, we see the buds popping open on the trees and new plants push their way up through the soil to enjoy the sun's fresh kiss. The fall is just the opposite. It is a time of retreat from the growth cycle.

Some people experience sadness with the changing of the summer season to fall, but I think it is a wonderful thing. The shifting seasons bring us variety and provide us with the changing backdrop for our lives. The autumn has its own kind of charm. It marks the harvest of the spring and summer seasons and it brings a rich palate of various shades of orange, red, yellow and brown to the terrain. These elements are reminders that we are of the earth, and it is through the earth that we receive sustenance.

Fall is the time to pull out your favorite scarves and wool jumpers as you make the transition to a warmer wardrobe. Head for the park where you can enjoy the crispness of the air, the smell of the earth, the beautiful colors of the fall leaves and the fall chrysanthemums.

Every season has its own charm, likewise every phase in our life has its own charm...we will have to learn the beauty of it..live it and enjoy the warmth!

-abhijith 

Place: Oslo, Norway

Dated: 8th July 2007

Confused Reflections

Posted: Today

Recipient: Me...

Today, I want to write about transforming what we view as failed experiences into valuable fodder for our future success. Naturally, it is never pleasant to experience failure, but that does not make it a bad thing. As hard as it may seem to believe, there are benefits to experiencing failure. We can learn valuable lessons from these experiences that can benefit us in the end.

It is important for us to look at our life situations from different angles, by finding opportunities and learning lessons when things don't come out as planned. I wish to elaborate on this point, by narrating a short story.  

"...her hope was to become a fantasy novelist, but that dream was compromised when every agent and publishing house she contacted rejected her first novel. When I first met her, she was in a frustrated and dejected place. So, my advice to her was to keep trying and to also explore other ways to utilize her writing talents.

She decided, she needed to take a break from focusing on her novel, so she put it away and began volunteering at a local children's hospital. She became a storyteller and made up all kinds of fantastic adventures to entertain the kids in the children's ward. She was well received as a storyteller and was soon writing her stories down to share at other local hospitals.

Interestingly, this gave way to a very promising career in the area of writing and publishing. She became a very fulfilled and successful children's author and is now very happy that she "failed" at writing fantasy novels. Her story is proof that not only can failed experiences encourage us to be more flexible and determined, but that they can also point us in the perfect direction..."

I hope this story will remain with you so that the next time you feel yourself struggling with the idea of "failure," you will think differently about it. When you open yourself up to the gifts the universe brings, you can find amazing opportunities. Give yourself a pat on the back for moving along the right path to success and keep  moving on until you get it right. Reflection is a transformation of what is...into what it is truly meant to be...I understood my reflection...

sincerely,

Me...

I'm Nice...not Dumb

When we encounter someone new, we quickly seek answers to two questions rooted in the evolutionary need to make correct decisions: What are this person's intentions towards me? and is this person capable of being true and act on these intentions? 

Because we lack the brainpower to weight someone's true merits quickly, we seize on our sometimes mistaken answers to these questions and rate the person high or low on imaginary scales of intention and capability. Moreover, intention and capability assessments influence how we intend to interact with others. We like to assist people we consider to be warm (intention) and avoid people who we see as not being warm. We desire to associate with people we consider to be capable and ignore those whom we consider to be otherwise.

To further add to our parameters of assessment, we tend to find clues on people's race, gender, nationality, their brought-up and the social environments they were part of. Thus our decisions about whom to trust, doubt, defend against, are based on faulty data. The intention/capability approach helps us understand a lot about others. Why people disrespect the elderly while feeling positive towards them (they are seen as incapable but warm). Inaccurate intention-capability judgments can lead us to trust untrustworthy associates or undervalue potentially important connections.

It is particularly interesting to note that we can observe a gender polarity to this trend. Men normally  attach more value to capability component of the judgment while women value the warmth (intention) component. More so, the way we see others is a reflection of how we ourselves. Men normally tend to understand themselves and others by their capability to be true to the intention/emotion, while  'warmth' component comes second. While women normally tend to value 'warmth' more, thus associating with people who show more concern/warmth towards them, and whether or not the other person or they themselves will remain true about intentions/emotions is always a secondary point of concern.